meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
