just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
