I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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