just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
