Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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