I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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