Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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