my mouth tastes like poor choices
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
