NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
