One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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