Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
