I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
