and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
