Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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