I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
