can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
