I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
