I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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