i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
