Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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