I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
