the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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