What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
