New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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