I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
