I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
