I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
