Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
