you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
