Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
