You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
