I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I sprained my soul last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
