walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
