I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
