There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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