Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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