Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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