FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
