remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
