Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
