We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
