Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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