A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
