some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just pee around me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
