Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
