Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
