im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
