I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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