I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
