I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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