I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Randomize