If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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